Spare Me Your Hypocrisy

As I sit here watching Michigan play Penn State without Jim Harbaugh on the sidelines, I find myself thinking back to his reaction after a brawl broke out in the Michigan tunnel after the 2022 Michigan-Michigan State game.

“There needs to be accountability, there needs to be a full, thorough, timely investigation,” Harbaugh said at the time. “I can’t imagine that this will not result in criminal charges, the videos are bad. It’s clear what transpired, it seems very open and shut as they say.” Open and shut is an interesting way to put things in light of recent developments, but we’ll get to that. Doesn’t sound like he’s arguing for much due process, one might say.

Fast forward a year, and Harbaugh has now been suspended by the Big 10 for Michigan’s involvement in a sign-stealing scheme. The school is calling for due process and filed for a temporary restraining order against his suspension (which was rejected), and Harbaugh sits on the suspension.

I bring up due process because it seems to be something that the Michigan faithful are big on when it comes to their team, but not so much for others. See, at the same time Harbaugh and athletic director Warde Manuel were pushing for criminal charges and suspensions for the Michigan State players involved in the brawl, their own stud defensive lineman Mazi Smith was facing felony gun charges. Was he suspended? No. Did the story get released? Not until charges were announced over a month later. He was allowed to continue playing while the judicial process played out, according to their AD.

Sooooooo…MSU suspends 8 players the week following the brawl, before charges were ever announced. The players didn’t play the rest of the season. One of Michigan’s best players was facing a felony gun charge and not only was he not suspended, no one knew about it until the charges were actually announced. And even after the charges were announced, Smith was allowed to continue playing. One of the MSU players, Malcolm Jones, was never charged for the brawl, but he didn’t play for the rest of the year. And look, I’m not going to defend the brawl at Michigan Stadium, but it’s worth pointing out that it was the second incident in that stadium in a matter of weeks, and we never actually saw what started the brawl (I’m not going to defend a 7 of our guys jumping 2 of theirs, but I’m guessing it didn’t start because Ja’Den McBurrows and Gemon Green said, “Gee guys, good game, better luck next year.”)

Who’s the school that supports due process again?

Michigan wants any investigation and punishment to come from the NCAA, knowing that the only thing that moves slower that an NCAA investigation is…well…nothing. The Wolverines would see to it that any punishment gets pushed down the road, when they could whine that Harbaugh (who will inevitably have left the school for the NFL by then) wasn’t there anymore, and how could you punish kids who weren’t there when the violations happened?

The Big 10 – at the urging of every coach and athletic director that doesn’t play it’s home games in Ann Arbor – went full Lee Corso and said, “Not so fast, my friend.”

It’s worth looking at the charges against Michigan. In October, the NCAA announced that they were investigating the school for in-person scouting – an NCAA violation – which had allegedly taken place since at least 2021. It was reported that a staffer, Connor Stallions, had purchased tickets in his own name for more than 30 games over the past 3 years at 11 different league schools. The games Stallions bought tickets for featured teams that Michigan would play later in the season. The tickets were around the 45-yard line, high enough for a clear view of the opposite sideline. There was reportedly video showing people in the seats Stallions had purchased recording the opposing sideline.

These aren’t allegations. Stallions purchased the tickets in his own name, with his own credit card. I suppose it’s possible that he could’ve done this completely on his own, but he was an unpaid volunteer until 2022, when he was hired on at $55,000 per year. He could’ve done this on his Marine Corp pension, but tickets in those seating areas and travel to those stadiums isn’t cheap.

Now, I’m not a football expert, I’m just a loudmouth with an obvious bias who complains about sports on the internet. So I can’t tell you exactly how big of an advantage this provides to a team. What I can tell you is that the opposing coaches were adamant that this was a significant advantage, that they’d heard rumblings that the Wolverines had their signs, and they didn’t want to wait for the NCAA to hand down their punishment.

I can also tell you that from 2015 (when Harbaugh was hired) until 2020 (the year before the sign stealing is alleged to have started), Michigan was 49-22, losing all 5 games against rival Ohio State. From 2021 until now, they’re 34-3, they’ve beaten Ohio State twice, and they’ve been to the College Football Playoff both years. Going from what is essentially a 4 loss per year team to one of the best teams in the nation seemingly overnight seems curious, to say the least. The Michigan name doesn’t buy you that kind of turnaround these days.

The Big 10 took a creative approach to punishing Michigan. Technically they didn’t suspend Harbaugh, because such a punishment is limited to a 2-game suspension. They punished Michigan by saying they violated the conference’s sportsmanship clause and preventing them from having their head coach on the sidelines for the last 3 regular season games.

Michigan has their supporters and their defenses. They’ll tell you it’s not that big an advantage, that you still need to stop the other team. True, but I think back to the first game of the NFL season, when the Chiefs’ Jawaan Taylor kept lining up illegally and jumping the snap. There were discussions that Taylor’s alignment gave away clues about the play, and thus the Lions didn’t make a huge stink on the sideline. So there’s something to be said about what kind of advantage knowing what’s coming can provide to a defense.

They’ll tell you other teams had Michigan’s signs, and that they shared them prior to the 2022 Big 10 championship game. Fair point, but stealing signs isn’t illegal. The NCAA allows it if you can pull it off in-person at the actual game you’re participating in or from game broadcasts. There are no allegations that any other school participated in the type of in-person scouting at other facilities that Michigan did.

They’ll tell you that Ohio State coach Ryan Day’s family was involved in the investigation into on-field scouting. It’s not true, but they’ll spew those falsehoods and supposedly threaten Day and his family anyway. Because foobaw!

The talking heads that went to Michigan will tell you they’re being treated unfairly, that everyone is jealous of Michigan’s success. What are we jealous of? Your 3 wins in your last 18 games against Ohio State, 2 of which are probably tainted? Your 1.5 national titles in the 85+ years since the AP poll was created? Your 2 losses in the CFP? Your basketball coach, who’s strengths seem to be, in order, (1) recruiting, (2) threatening Wisconsin’s basketball coach, and (3) coaching? Thanks Charles, but I’m good.

Look, anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows I’m a pretty devoted Michigan State fan, and we have done PLENTY of things to draw peoples’ ire. We oversaw one of the worst sexual abuse scandals in American sports history, made worse because we could have taken guidance from Penn State on what not to do and decided, nah, we’re good. We hired a stopgap football coach and gave him an idiotic contract extension because he’d managed to beat Michigan twice. That coach took a bonus that was meant for his entire coaching staff and kept it for himself. We were able to get out of that contract, but only because Mel Tucker is a creep who decided to sexually harass a rape survivor who had come to the school to speak to the team about sexual abuse. And any punishment for that incident only came about after the news story broke, when Tucker had been under investigation for 9 months.

What I’m trying to say is MSU has a lot of things to not be proud of.

But what we don’t do is get on our high horse and act like we’re waiting for the process to play itself out when our players get arrested. Or go from Walmerines to legal experts to defend our obviously illegal behavior. Or defend a man who ignored sexual abuse (let alone keep up a statue or his name on the football building). Or cry for criminal charges and suspensions against players at other schools while our own players play because, “We’re letting the legal process play itself out.” We don’t act like we’re better than everyone, because we’re not.

If only Michigan could do the same.

So Your Bracket’s Busted…

2018 final fourIt’s that time of year again, when almost everyone’s dreams of winning their bracket is over and for the vast majority of the population their teams have been eliminated from the tournament.  So naturally, every sports media organization insists on putting together a “who should you root for” article for those of us who are dealing with the dual heartbreak of your school’s season ending and your bracket being busted.

Because I’m a sheep, I’m doing the same thing.

Mind you, I don’t care who you pull for.  There are crazy people in this world who can justify wanting to see Duke cut down the nets at the end of the season.  But for some insane reason, several weeks ago I figured that my beloved Michigan State team was such a lock for the Final Four that I decided to buy tickets and go visit a buddy to watch my team win the national title in Texas.

So now I’m required to find a new set of teams to root for.  With such unlikable teams as Kentucky, Kansas, Duke, and Syracuse left in the bracket and more than a few Cinderellas with intriguing backstories, picking a new team shouldn’t be all that hard, right?

Oh, if only.  This year’s Sweet 16 seems to be populated by the unlikable blue bloods and the generic Cinderellas.  There’s not a Florida Gulf Coast or Butler left in the bunch.  So this could be a bit more challenging than it would seem at first.

South Region

#9 Kansas State: Not a particularly unlikable team, but they did knock out the Cinderella of all Cinderellas – the only 16th seed to ever beat a 1-seed – in UMBC in one of the most unwatchable games you’ll ever see.  Also, I once hung out with a group of Kansas State fans who insisted that ESPN hated their basketball team, when in reality Kansas State’s basketball team is rarely relevant enough for ESPN to have an opinion on.  (Now, if you want to see how ESPN truly hates a team, just look at how they’ve tried to tie MSU’s basketball team to the disgusting Larry Nassar scandal.)

#5 Kentucky: After the tournament selection show, Kentucky coach John Calipari screamed to the high heavens that his team got screwed in their seeding, and even complained that several of his players didn’t know where Boise was (hmm, seems like a problem with the education of your players).  And then, because karma exists, Kentucky could go to the Final Four this year without playing a team seeded higher than 7th (or, if the Basketball Gods have a sense of humor, no team seeded higher than 9th).  On that basis alone we should pray for an upset to knock these guys out.  Complicating matters, however, is that in my company pool I have Kentucky winning it all.  Thankfully, the prize is only a $20 gift card, and I’m not so cheap as to root for Kentucky over a matter of $20.

#11 Loyola-Chicago: Our first true Cinderella.  Loyola’s a fun team with a couple of exciting buzzer beaters to advance, a cute fan in 98-year-old team chaplain Sister Jean, and I didn’t have to suffer through sitting next to an obnoxious Loyola fan cheering every made basket at the bar as a friend of mine did this week.  But Loyola’s a Catholic school that recently responded to a comedian bringing up the Catholic church’s sex abuse scandal during his set by cutting his mic, which offends my delicate agnostic sensibilities.  Not as simple a choice as one would think.

#7 Nevada: They defeated Cincinnati – always an unlikable school – with an epic comeback and have no glaring or particularly offensive flaws.  Plus their coach dropped a ton of expletives on live TV while celebrating their first round win, and that appeals to my life-long potty mouth tendencies.

The choice: Nevada

West Region

#9 Florida State: The Seminoles are a generally unlikable school, although that can typically be attributed to their football team and their decades of recruiting morally questionable characters.  But if the Seminoles can somehow pull off a miracle and win the whole thing my pool is won by my friend’s 5-year-old daughter, which would seem oddly fitting this season.

#4 Gonzaga: Ordinarily I wouldn’t begrudge a team for screwing up my bracket, but Gonzaga cost me some cash last year with a fairly significant bed-shitting in the national championship game.  Plus Gonzaga has joined Kansas and Michigan State as schools who are going to screw up my bracket every year, no matter where I pick them to win or lose.

#3 Michigan: I just can’t.  Sure, a chunk of my friends would be happy and I don’t hate Michigan nearly as much as I should, but I just cannot maintain my Spartan credentials and pull for Michigan to win the title.  It’s already painful enough listening to the Wal-Mart Wolverines brag about how they’ve beaten us 3 straight times.  Having to watch them cut down the nets would just be unbearable.

#7 Texas A&M: Aside from their consistency in being a highly regarded team in football every year that ultimately disappoints, there’s nothing particularly offensive about this team.  Plus, they knocked out North Carolina, who offended me with their ridiculous seeding.

The choice: Texas A&M

East Region

#1 Villanova: Another team that’s not particularly offensive.  They are from Philly though, and they’ve already gotten enough this year.

#5 West Virginia: Coached by Bob Huggins.  ‘Nuff said.

#3 Texas Tech: It’s hard for me to pull for any team that once employed Bob Knight.  That said, the father-in-law of the buddy who’s going to the games with me went to Texas Tech, so I may wind up pulling for them through osmosis.

#2 Purdue: The highest remaining Big 10 team and the only team left in the field that MSU defeated this year.  This one seems easy.

The choice: Purdue

Midwest Region

#1 Kansas: An annoying program, if moderately successful.  Did you know that for all their history, legendary alums, and the fact that they literally invented the game, they only have 3 national titles?  And one of those came as a 6-seed and another came because Memphis couldn’t hit free throws?  They’re the Cincinnati Reds of NCAA basketball.

#5 Clemson: Not gonna lie, in a region with Kansas, Syracuse, and Duke, the 4th team is going to be the pick by default.

#11 Syracuse: If it weren’t for one man, Jim Boeheim would be the most annoying coach in America.  I’ve said that for years, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they used their bullshit scheme to beat my alma mater.

#2 Duke: The only coach more annoying that Boeheim.  Coach K’s Boeheim with a bag man, enough talent to actually win without resorting to gimmick schemes, and Grayson Allen.  If the fate of humanity rested on Duke winning a game, I’d say my prayers and hope the afterlife is worth it.  That said, I did hedge my bets and have a bracket with Duke winning that still has the potential to put me in the money, so if they win it all it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

The choice: Clemson

So there you have it folks.  As a miserable son of a bitch who truly believes his school’s season was derailed by bullshit accusations levied by a lazy news organization trying to stir up controversy for the sake of ratings, the only way my cold dead heart will be happy is if we get a Final Four of Nevada, Texas A&M, Purdue, and Clemson.

So let me be the first to congratulate Kentucky, Michigan, Villanova, and Duke for their regional titles.

See you in Texas!

My Life as a Spartan

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I’ve been a Spartan for 21 years.

That’s not enough for some people.

I don’t hate Michigan as much as most Spartans.

That’s not enough for other people.

When a kid is growing up, it’s a pretty simple process for him to pick his sports teams – you go with the local team.  There are outliers.  Sometimes a guy likes a quarterback from another team, or a 40/40 guy from another.  Perhaps it’s as simple as they like a team’s colors or the team was good enough to be on the nationally televised game more times than others (hence the widespread fandom of teams like the Packers and Steelers).  But for the most part, if you’re born in Michigan you’re pulling for the Lions, and if you’re born in Philly your favorite team is the Flyers.

It’s a little more complicated when it comes to college sports.

College rivalries are what make sports great.  Pro sports have the occasional huge rivalries – Red Sox/Yankees, Bears/Packers, any combination of teams in the NHL’s old Adams division (Rangers, Bruins, Canadians, Flyers, etc.) – but none of these compare to such regional college rivalries such as Michigan/Ohio State, Duke/North Carolina, or Oklahoma/Texas.  Add in the fact that these teams play once or twice a year instead of 19 or 6, and in a lot of cases the games have national significance, and you’ll find that a lot of fans take far greater pride in their college teams than their pro ones.

The challenge comes in picking which team to pull for.  Typically, loyalties are passed down in families for generations, so if your dad grew up an Alabama fan, you’re not going to pull for Auburn.  But if you have no such loyalties (I imagine this is much more common in the north than in the south), you have to pick your own team.  And in picking that team, you’re essentially answering a simple question.

Which team is better?

It’s generally an easy answer.  Kansas has more fans than Kansas State, Texas over Texas A&M or Texas Tech, Oklahoma over Oklahoma State, etc.  And in Michigan, it’s a simple answer: Michigan trumps Michigan State.  Up until a recent string of success by the Spartans and struggles by the Wolverines, if your family didn’t have ties to Michigan State (typically because someone in that family went there), you were a Michigan fan.

So it was that I found myself pulling for Michigan from the time I was 11 until I went off to college at Michigan State.

During my first week at Michigan State, Michigan beat Virginia on a last-second touchdown.  Surprisingly, the dorm room where I and several of my dorm mates were watching the game erupted in celebration.  Clearly, some of us who had grown up as Michigan fans found ourselves going to school in East Lansing.  Personally, I went into the first Michigan-Michigan State fan as an MSU fan having no clue who I was going to be rooting for.  My mind was made up the minute Michigan came through that tunnel.  I was a Spartan.

That was in 1995, which means that I’m currently in my 22nd year of Michigan State fandom.  I’ve seen ups and downs.  I have stuck with them through thick and thin, and never questioned my loyalty to the school or its teams.

But to some, all that matters was that I started out a Michigan fan.

I don’t know how it works in other states, but I imagine it’s not much different than here.  Michigan fans spend the majority of their lives being the better team, and, as such, they spend a fair amount of time reminding Michigan State fans that they’re inferior.  Recently, Michigan State has had a run of success that coincided with a downturn at Michigan, and the trash talk script was flipped.  Now, when Michigan is back to “normal” and Michigan State is struggling, Michigan fans point out that Michigan State fans have stopped talking shit, as if our shit talk was somehow different than what we put up when Michigan was on top.

While the trash talk is fair – you don’t have much of a defense when your team is worse – Michigan State fans can and do respond with a simple question: when did you graduate?

And that’s where the problem lies.  In the vast majority of situations, the answer is equally as simple: they didn’t go there.

A while back, I was at a bar, and I listened as a man went on an extended rant about the fact that, because of their recent success, Michigan State has suddenly acquired a fair amount of “bandwagon” fans, that they weren’t legitimate fans, and that Michigan would be back.  I had to cut in.  I pointed out that MSU was currently riding 8 years of “bandwagon” fans, while Michigan had previously ridden 50.  He conceded the point.  I had to ask if he went there.  He hadn’t.

The fact is that if you pull for Michigan State, you probably went there.  That’s not the case with Michigan.  I’m guessing that in most rivalries, as in this one, the people who didn’t attend the Michigan are the people who are most prone to talk.  And to take it further, the people who are most prone are those who didn’t attend college at all.

Is that elitist?  Probably.

Is it true?  Definitely.

And yet the proverbial “Wal-Mart” fans aren’t the only ones who talk.

Michigan is a world-class educational institution.  Anyone who argues otherwise – no matter where they went to school – is an idiot.  But Michigan State, while not on the same level, has some top-notch programs, several quite literally ranked first in the nation.  Despite that fact, people here believe that if you were accepted at both Michigan and Michigan State, there is absolutely no reason you would attend Michigan State.

None.

Zero.

This is not hyperbole.  I have heard it said with my own ears, I have listened to the argument.  Ignore the cost, ignore whether or not a given program might be better at Michigan State than at Michigan, ignore whether you prefer Michigan State’s campus to Michigan’s.  If you get accepted to both schools, you have no reason to go to Michigan State.

It is that mindset that has many believing that if you go to Michigan State, it’s because you couldn’t get into Michigan.  I’ve heard it, I’ve had to fight it, and I’ve had to explain that I decided I didn’t want to go to a school that kept putting me on the waitlist and chose the one that wanted me.  But every Michigan graduate believes that Michigan State grads couldn’t get into their school, and thus was deserving of their derision.

My first year out of college, I worked at an accounting firm that sponsored recruiting events at local college campuses.  It was a great way to pump up your work hours and help your standing in the firm.  One of these recruiting events took place on the Michigan campus, and we encountered a kid who made a snide comment about Michigan State and then said, “I don’t really have a reason for looking down on Michigan State, I just do.”  My buddy looked at me thinking I was going to murder the kid.  I just smiled and nodded (also, I’m pretty dumb, but I’m smart enough to murder a potential hire).

That’s a learned response.  What’s the point in arguing with someone who looks down on you?

And yet it’s said we have an inferiority complex.

We’ve watched a Hall of Fame coach walk away after coaching the team to its best record in a decade and go on to win 5 national championships.

I’ve listened as a friend asked when we’d get fed up with our basketball coach failing to deliver another national title.  He’s in the Hall of Fame.  He’s taken our school to 19 consecutive tournaments, seven Final Fours and a national championship.  Apparently that’s not enough.

We’ve listened to announcers refer to the Spartans as “Michigan” at least once in every single game the Spartans have played.

We watched as our football coach went to a full-day on-air tour of ESPN and had his name mispronounced while answering repeated questions about our rival’s new coach.  Mark Dantonio – or Mark D’Antonio if you asked the Wall Street Journal – would lead the Spartans to the Big 10 title and the College Football Playoff, but all the network wanted to talk about was Jim Harbaugh.

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We’ve seen the coach named as “Mike” Dantonio on the cover of Sports Illustrated after he’d led the team to the College Football Playoff.

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We’ve seen Tom Izzo’s name listed as “Tim” on a headline announcing he’d been elected to the Hall of Fame.

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We’ve seen Denzel Valentine credited as “Denzel Washington” on an AP tweet announcing he was their national player of the year.

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We’ve watched as our school won ESPN’s college football play of the year, and had it presented to Mark Dantonio…and the Michigan fan whose stunned reaction was immortalized shortly after the play took place.

And yet we have an inferiority complex.

It has become somewhat common for Michigan State fans to post “Still a Spartan” on Facebook after losses.  I don’t know why.  It’s as though there’s some belief that after a tough loss we’re going to abandon our school, and we need to announce that we’re going to remain loyal.  As though now that we’ve approached the mountaintop we can’t handle a little bit of adversity.

We’ve lived through Bobby Williams.

We’ve lived through John L. Smith.

We’ve had to hear about Spartan Bob for 15 years.

We’ll survive 38-0.

We’ll survive Middle Tennessee State.

We will survive if we go from the College Football Playoff to missing a bowl game.

But the thing is, I don’t hate Michigan as much as other Michigan State fans.  Maybe it’s because I started out as a Michigan fan.  Maybe it’s because I want to see teams from our state succeed.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want to be the sort of person who roots against a given team.  I make an exception for pretty much any team from Ohio (hey, if you chant “Detroit’s bankrupt” when your team is losing to the Tigers, I want a lifetime of misery for your fanbase), but generally speaking, it strikes me as small.  Or maybe it’s because I have friends who are Michigan fans and I don’t want them to think I’m being petty.

Maybe I should want Michigan to lose.

Recently, I went to McDonald’s, who’s running a promotion where their cups have various Michigan slogans or references on them.  My cup read The Big House.  I sent a pic of the cup to a fellow Spartan who knows of my lack of disdain for the Wolverines.  His response?  “I thought you rooted for UM.”

I can’t win.

I don’t hate Michigan with every fiber of my being, and that’s not good enough for some people.  And I didn’t start out as a Spartan fan, so that’s not good enough for others.

But I’m still a Spartan, and I’ll always be one.  That’s good enough for me.